Anybody Home

June 8th, 2012

Hi.

 

Believe it or not, I still have the internet.  In the month of May, we got connected at long last to HIGH SPEED internet.  This spring also saw the opening of a sushi restaurant in the town of Kincardine.  Folks, it is a brave new world for us out here in the boondocks.

Our farm is on the market.  We’d need to get every penny out of the asking price to make a move possible, a feat which I am personally praying wagering won’t happen.  I don’t really want to talk about it.  Try spending every minute of your spare time fighting a major corporation (Samsung) and various levels of government (municipal and provincial) in an effort to protect your family, knowing that you would probably see better results if you smashed your face off your driveway.  We don’t have enough money lawyers to look scary like we can affect change, and I don’t need to spend anymore time wondering who I need to metaphorically shiv in the shower to get these motherfuckers to back the fuck off my farm.

Bah.

Where was I?  The internet.  “We can has the internetz” now.  We can watch simple videos on YouTube without it buffering for an hour and a half.  I can download TV shows on iTunes, and music too.  I also can use INSTAGRAM!  If you want to find me online, that’s where I am.  The community there is pretty cool, at least my little bubble is pretty awesome.  My feed contains pictures of random cute dogs, hairless cats that belong to every other tattooer I know, doodles of penises, and hot girls.  There’s no whining in pictures.  I like it.

We’ve had a bad go with raccoons this year.  It was an easy winter, which means that the less fit coons survived, which means they are sickly bastards with distemper, breeding and being jerks left, right and center.  Distempered, they become zombies.  Slow moving, and remarkably resilient to death, despite existing on the brink of it.

Late one evening we heard a melee in the coop, Scott ran out in only his underpants, brandishing one of my rubber boots.  Two laying hens were already dead, and a third was stuck halfway through the electro-net, being semi-electrocuted with a jolt (and a buCK-AW!) every couple of seconds.  My knight in shining underpants freed the hen from the net, before turning off the energizer.  As a result of the attack, my hens are refusing to lay eggs in their nest boxes.  They burrow themselves into the straw under the boxes.  This is not a relationship I can work with, so we’ll be taking steps to block off the bottom.

Coons also made off with Maggie’s rabbit, who happened to be quite possibly the Cutest Rabbit in Existence.  A dwarf hotot the size of a kiwi.

Being an artist, as well as a sharpshooter (first place in standing and prone competitions), I came home one afternoon to find this fly covered installation art piece in my front lawn.

It’s little gestures like these that keep the spark in our marriage.

14 Responses to “Anybody Home”

  1. Mom says:

    Your resilience is an inspiration! <3

  2. Alex says:

    You’re such a great writer, I love hearing about the trials and tribulations of the farm, and even though it was obviously a bad event and the raccoons are a nuisance to say the least, hearing about Scott running about in his underpants and the picture of the dead raccoon on the bike is hilarious!

    I’ve never seen a rabbit like that! It really is the cutest thing. Poor Maggie. Poor rabbit. Will you get her another?

  3. Exploriment says:

    I am wiping away the tears from laughing so hard at the sight of that raccoon. Totally made my day.

  4. Sam says:

    That coon pose is the greatest thing I’ve seen all day.

  5. Isa says:

    hey,

    I dont know if it is too personal to ask :( but if u do sell the farm, will u move to another farm somewhere else or will u go back to normal city life in a huge city?

    I kind of hope u just switch to another farm, because I think it was fantastic how u turned around your life.

    Everytime I read your blog, I thought how amazing your life must be.

    You seem to be such a free bird and not materialistic at all.

    So yeahhh… to make i short:Will u tell us more about the move or is it too private?

  6. Tatyana says:

    From the designer who made that little Brown Parka, remember? I have not checked on your blog for a year, but I always was telling my husband about your farm and the wonderful life you were building there. So today, after talking once again about how we could, should, one day make a move, I checked on your blog, and I read the news of the farm being on a market and big corporation making your life difficult. And just this morning we talked about big corporations and how one should escape from all that by settling on the land. Do you feel like it is all futile? Or do you have a plan to win? Let us know!

  7. Katie j says:

    SCOTT. IS. HILARIOUS.

  8. Twwly says:

    Isa – there will be almost no farms left in South Western Ontario that do not have turbines in a close vicinity… I have absolutely no idea what is happening right now, I have no answers, I have no interest in living off of MY farm.

    Tatyana – Oh my favourite parka! I was just thinking the other day I must see if you make bigger ones. We love it SO much. To avoid a big corporation, you would need to own thousands and thousands of acres and plant yourself in the middle. MAYBE then, you would not be actively bothered. Monsanto sprays on cornfields. GMO alfalfa. Samsung and Enbridge and big oil companies putting up turbines that don’t work but city people think are green…. How about the American hedge fund that posed as potato farmers and bought up land here in Ontario to make an open pit well that could destroy drinking water for our province? Or the war that has been waged on Montana Jones heritage shropshire sheep? That’s the Ontario government fucking with her. And they fuck with small farmers all the time, they try to keep us out of business every step, with irrational quota systems and limitations.

    We are in a totally futile battle against Samsung. We will not win. But I could NEVER lay down and take it. My son asked me earlier this year when the “bitter end” would be so we could stop fighting. That day is not today.

  9. Twwly says:

    Alex – no more bunnies for the time being, I’m afraid!

  10. Jason says:

    We liquidated our real estate assets in Ontario and moved to New Brunswick this spring. It’s like moving to a different country, life is a lot different out here and I do not regret the move in the least.

    Our kids are young and we home school like you so it was the right time to do it. Ontario is moving in the wrong direction if you ask me and I am happy to be rid of it.

    Just my two cents worth.

  11. Twwly says:

    Jason, I couldn’t agree with you more. Ontario is in a downward spiral.

    We have two sets of grandparents within twenty minutes, it’s priceless to both my husband and I (who are children of immigrants). We would never move away from them.

  12. Hayley says:

    Hey lady! I’m sorry you have to move! I hope you and the family are doing well despite everything. Let me know if there is anything you need. Call me anytime!

  13. Blair says:

    having done battle with major corporation in my little village and lost i know how to feel
    i used to live in a little village here in Australia called Mt Kembla
    it is a little village just out side of a large industrial city called Wollongong (main industries are coal and steal)
    the village was a coal mining village up until the mid 1980’s
    in 2006 BHP decided to re open the mine in the village and opened consultation with the community expecting the village to welcome them with open arms
    and were shocked when we the villagers told them to get fucked
    thus started our battle
    BHP had both the council, state and federal government in there pockets so we knew we had no chance of winning
    but we fought a hard fight including blockading the entrance to the mine
    but BHP fought dirty (including the use of hired heavies to visit key members of the anti mine group at verius times of the night to tell the members what would happen to there families if they didn’t back down)

    in the end the only thing we could do was make detailed noted of environmental infringements and report them to the independent governing body
    and BHP has had to pay many fines as a result of our work

    i moved away from the village 2 yrs ago now
    but know there are still some that are fighting on even now.

    moral of the story is

    some times when on ice tap dancing is just not a good idea and is better to bow out with head held high knowing you have fought the good fight and not sunk to the dirty tricks of the money greedy

    Twwly i have followed your journey for many years now (am a former SG member) and i have spread and passed on your blog details to many (including my current partner who is a big fan of your blog). it is sad to see you leaving your home but some times bubbles need to be burst because the next bubble with have a stronger lining
    take this as one of the lessons you needed in life to make you stronger and more resilient and resolute in your convictions to have the better life you strove out for by moving back to the country and finding the love of your life and the family of your dreams

  14. Jackie says:

    Ashley – have you read “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” by Jenny Lawson? The “installation art piece” made me think of it. It is effing hilarious and I really think that you would appreciate it. Her Blog is awesome, too.

    http://thebloggess.com/lets-pretend-this-never-happened-a-mostly-true-memoir/

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