We had two disappointments in the skull department. One: the deer. We left her on the edge of our field to rot and when we returned to gather up her skull, it was gone. Two: the squiddew. I left him (along with a little mouse buddy actually, so make it three disappointments) on a shelf on the side of my potting shed. Two days later he was gone, along with the little mouse.
So it has become clear to me I need a different method for composting. We have a lot of raccoons, coyotes and even a cougar (and her cubs) roaming about here and I need something more secure than… nothing. I am thinking hanging heads on hooks on a tree, maybe? Coons could get up there, but nothing else and if the tree was big enough they shouldn’t be able to gain enough balance to get it down. Our friend Murray with the longhorns just has a big pile out in the open. But perhaps their weight makes them less of a target?
Suggestions are welcome. Especially because we just dropped Marie off at butcher this morning. Marie, aka Big Buff Doe is the least friendly of the bunch. Despite patient hand feeding attempts, she is certain that humans are going to kill her and today that will be proved true. We won’t be breeding her, therefore I won’t be milking her, therefore she is taking up precious goat shed space that Amund (the next lowest on the ladder) is going to be growing into. And I really do love goat curry and mustard rubbed leg roasts.
Anyway, we’ll be keeping her skull and I’ll be damned if some rascally raccoon makes off with it.
I’ll be making feta this morning, for personal consumption. We have ewe’s milk soft cheese to sell this week. Herbed with oregano & tarragon; fair trade chocolate & salt; chilis and salt; local honey encrusted; and plain. If you would like to buy some cheese this week, please email us at: rennetrebels@gmail.com
Here’s Meeps in another dress that I made her, which is now more of a shirt because it took me so long to finish:
Bob eating an apple from the tree by the garden at the (best purchase of the summer) mini picnic table:
Meeps had a rough week. She spiked a high fever and threw up a couple of times. I was praying for chicken pox (if you live anywhere in SW ON and your kids get pox, CALL ME) but it was just roseola. Her rash lasted just a couple of days. I remember how worried I was when Bob got it (“I NEED A DOCTOR – MY KID IS COVERED IN SPOTS!”) and marveled at how things change with your second kid (“my kid is covered in spots, I probably shouldn’t come over for BBQ.”)
I was supposed to get the other side of my neck tattooed yesterday (more roses), but we wound up cleaning house and starting tomato dehydration (the joys). Scott worked on the cold room and I put all dry foods into glass jars so the mice have less to eat. I did get a hair cut on Monday; all of the blond scrappy ends are off now, a few inches at least. So my hair is just pony-tailable and I had bangs cut. I have no pictures yet, but I am quite pleased to be free of the last of my dried out colour. My hair is REALLY brown! I haven’t seen my hair since, I dunno. Grade 8? I’m looking forward to growing it long again; this time healthy. No more dye for me.
We had a busy week. Bob & Meeps started kindergym & swim this week; we had company up from the city; we were over at a friends place for end of season chicken killing and dinner. Canned a lot of tomatoes. Ate a lot of honey. Started getting organized for a holiday gift soap making blitz. Did a lot of playing.
Bob is going to be three years old soon. I feel somtimes that octuplet babies would be easier to understand than a single three year old. Babies are so easy with their needs (as opposed to wants). At 14 months there are now things that Maggie clearly wants (and is therefore upset about not getting) but she is still fairly effectively re-directed or distracted with a shoulder ride, or a passing cat, or a wooden spoon. There is very little a sip of booby won’t fix.
Bob is considerably more complicated. Parents of teenages, I salute you. I’ve read easily a dozen books about discipline and toddlers and how to have an ‘easy’ one. The problem with all of them is that not one of them was written about my son. There are parts in all of them that help, but I am left with some distinctly Bob-ish behaviours that when occur often or for prolonged periods, drive me pretty batty. I know like all humans, he is not at the top of his game when tired, hungry, bored or emotionally dinged. We are totally conscious of that and act accordingly. BUT…
He does This Thing.
Here’s an example off the top of my head: The kids are playing with play clay, each with their own lump and loads of utensils. All is going great until Bob takes all of Maggie’s clay. It goes like this:
“Please share. Give Maggie back her clay, ok.”
“NO! I WON’T!” [slams down clay] “IMNEVERGONNA play with play clay EVER again!” [stomps off, tears optional]
This is not a behavior he is modeling. We are not prone to stomping off. We try telling him “you shouldn’t say things you don’t mean”. If we ask him “should I just throw XYZ away then?” even if it is a favourite toy, he will say YES, every time. If we try to encourage him to return to game/toy/whatever, let’s just say ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE.
I just don’t know what to do with the IMNEVERGONNAS.
Bob’s behaviour, apart from the occasional battering of his sister, is top shelf. I am giddly pleased with his fanastic temperment, his manners, his humor. He transitions from one thing to another like a rockstar, and will “wave goodbye” to even the most desirable play situation with very few snags. His incredible genius includes but is not limited to: drawing an array of vehicles; reciting most of our vast library from memory; being potty trained by 12 months; always knowing where my keys are.
His IMNEVERGONNAS aren’t always to do with Meeps. It’s a behavior that comes when something starts to not go his way and he loses control over the situation. We can go seven days without a single IMNEVERGONNA or we can have seven in one day (though less and less now, thankfully).
While we are not schedule people, we are rhythm people. We don’t fret the small stuff (I recently saw a mother scream at her toddler “YOU are GOING TO SPILL YOUR FRUIT CUP!” as if the fruit within had been harvested from endangered ayuervedic peaches that cost $3,000/bushell and were poised to spill on top of a carpet of irreplacable white silk, instead of just a snack pack of Delmonte that risked a drop onto the grass). My kids get dirty, daily. Despite our against the grain attachment parenting style which most seem to think will make our children wilt without our presence, our kids can entertain themselves independantly for very respectable amounts of time with their plastic & battery free toys. Being the GrandMaster of transitions, Bob has gone from co-sleeping with us, to sleeping in his own bed (at his own request and with not a tear).
I’m saying all that because I don’t know where this stubborn self denial comes from. I mean, I know it comes from within him, I have it within me. I just don’t know how to help him through it since nothing we seem to say or do helps. We just sort of ride it out.
Any suggestions?
Hi Ashley!
I can relate to the three year old IMNEVERGONNAS.. Marlena is going to turn 3 soon too!
It is so easy to try and philosophize why are kids do this… but I think it is just emotions.
I get that way too sometimes… like all I need to do is walk past the phone and pick it up just to SLAM it down… and then I will feel better!!! Over, done!
Thinking about it, I know I have a loving husband, healthy beautiful kids, food in the fridge, my health and warm and safe home…. etc., etc. NO reason to be mad… my life is roses and butterflies. But, it feels good to be mad for a few seconds!!!
The best way is to let Bob be pissed… let him feel every emotion (boys are allowed to cry!)… and teach him to walk through it without hurting anyone!
I know (from knowing you guys a little) that you are talented, generous, smart and loving people! Bob and Maggie live a wonderful life! For sure it’s not because he ‘needs attention’… he just needs to slam the phone down… and he’ll feel better!! LOL
luv,
Marijke’s Sister
Hey Lisa,
Great phone slam analogy. I guess I forget now too that just because he is now verbal, it doesn’t mean he has all the words… Thank you for your input. And I LOVE your new blog. Jealous of the sewing machine! What a beautiful colour.
Hi,
Big fan of the blog. Little Bob’s age does tend toward drama. My three year-old went from hitting (when she was closer to two) to stomping off with LOTS of drama of the same ilk. I have to admit I rarely followed unless I thought I/her sister was being unfair. What she seemed to need was a way to remove herself. She would sometimes even stomp upstairs to her room, only to descend again in 15 minutes as sunny as could be, like someone with amnesia.
These days, she has so much more evenness to her, it’s amazing. And she’s still a spitfire.
What could you reply to Bob while not allowing his drama to take over everyone’s joy? “I’m sorry you feel that.” Sounds a little distant but I am from the same “benign neglect” school of attachment parenting, sounds like. I’ve appreciated the chance to practice self-possession, because lord knows it doesn’t happen all the time.
Good luck!
P.S.: As echoed in another comment, perhaps it is NOT self-denial, but a way of expressing “I’ve had it!” with a different phrase. And it sounds good: I’m going to try to get a “Nevergonna” in today.
God, I feel like sometimes I do those “IMNEVERGONNA”s! I guess I can be a bit of an over-reactor sometimes, and usually people (ie, my family or friends) will just calmly call me out on it and allow me to laugh at how silly I’m being.
Ah, yes: 3. I feel for you. What helped best (and is still helping w/ my now-4-yr-old) is ‘Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves’ by Naomi Aldort. Good stuff!
http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Our-Children-Ourselves-Relationships/dp/1887542329/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1250978011&sr=1-1
How about dermestid beetles? I’ve been skull hunting too recently. Moving to Bulgaria soon and I think I’ll be tempted to de-flesh a lot of goat, donkey, rabbit and boar skulls. The beetles seem to hold the key to a quick clean skull.
Molly – I am not so much worried about getting flesh off (the entire deer was down to bones in next to no time) just about animals running off with my great finds!
Sarah – Read it, it is a good one!
Anne – I have taken to just saying “Oh, okay” to him when he does the IMNEVERGONNAS, just to acknowledge him. It’s tough because it definitely does infringe upon everyone else’s mood/space/etc. I don’t want to “send him to his room”, especially since he’s just transitioned to sleeping there so nicely. I often ask him to sit on the couch (our house is all open concept downstairs) until he’s feeling better. But the moaning madness splits my brain.
My first thought as a teacher of high needs kids, is that it sounds like he might be a little jealous of his sister. (My kids at school act out similarly when they want me to give them attention. Granted, they’re older, and special needs, but kids are kids). Maggie spends a LOT of time with you, and he might be needing some one on one time with just Mommy.
As for the individual episodes, I would keep on just acknowledging his decision to not play anymore with that particular item, allow him to make that decision by himself and then drop it. Just say “ok, you don’t have to play with it anymore. Is there anything else you want to play with?”
He’ll grow out it at some point.
Mine’s 28 months and 97% easy-going which is heaven, but he’s in Early Intervention because he has all but one word (that he found this month.) (It’s ‘uh-oh.’) I completely understand your frustration, it would frustrate me too, but there’s a lot I would give to hear IMNEVERGONNAS, or I Love You Mumma. No suggestions here other than to follow your heart.
Many many thanks for skullinks over skullphotos. Or at least I assume they’re skull links! I couldn’t even click Amund’s link, I figured he was a milker or a pet or something! Shudda known…. =]
Hello Ashely, I don’t have any ideas on Bobs IMNEVERGONNAs as I don’t have kids, but I’m intensely curious what kind of camera you have. I know it’s very off topic, but your photos just look so awesome. Thanks.
Thank you everyone!
Mandi – I shoot with a little ol’ Canon Rebel, the lens is a Sigma 20mm 1:1.8
Have you read Unconditional Parenting and/or Raising Our Children Raising Ourselves? I’m on them right now and hear fantastic things about them and I don’t know if it’ll work with that kind of tantrum, but maybe give some kind of help? If not, the Fast Food Rule (Harvey Karp) works wonders here.
(oops, someone just recommended one of those books!)
Part of the Fast Food Rule is to emphasis their emotions, not immediately tell them not to feel it. Literally- it kind of sucks to share- and I think it’s normal to feel the way he is feeling. I’d validate his feelings, even if it is annoying to listen to the whining.
Ashley,
Just let me know and I’ll shoot you an email.
The best method we’ve found for skulls is hanging and tying to a tree for a while and then boiling off the rest. We use our large propane burner and Greg has one old canning pot of mine. You can throw in some soap as well (it breaks down the fat cells) You can do this with (sorry if this is grossing anyone out) “fresh” heads as well. I can give you more details if you want as not to make anyone ill
My mom buries her skull finds to allow them to decompose naturally, takes a while but works really well. Usually a foot deep is enough to escape other animal’s interests.
Because I come across the oddest of things, here’s a journal entry relating to proper cleaning of bones: http://naamah-darling.livejournal.com/312067.html
I figured that might help you out. If you check her “bones” tag and read through, she goes into detail about some of her adventures cleaning and preparing skulls for art.
As for the IMNEVERGONNAS, it’s a control thing. He’s discovered he HAS SOME and is working through the learning process of what he has control over (and how) and what he doesn’t. This is why it repeats when they start hitting adolescence. You’ll be better at figuring out how to help him negotiate this process than anyone else. My suggestion would be to find a way of making him think things are his idea.
Works with grown folk, sometimes, too.
Ashley,
My husband and I collect dead animals for skulls and bones. Keep in mind, we live in rural backwoods Florida (if you listen…you just might hear some banjos), but we have an medium sized dog cage/kennel that sits out back. Within that cage we place our dead goodies for decay. The cage is anchored to the ground with spikes, due to the wildlife surrounding our casa. However, it works for us.
Best of luck.
why do the raccoons steal the skulls?
oops-that was me up there-forgot to login…
also-we found that deep breathing was the answer for almost the same behaviour in Miette around the same age. We stop and take deep breaths together, in through the nose out with the mouth-it wasnt that it stopped the behaviour so much, but it gave us both a minute to relax and it provides a ‘tension timeout’ and helps destress her, which is what is going on when she does that. we do the deep breathing whenever anyone gets mad, or throws a tantrum or even gets hurt-it really helps everything. and now the older girls have been teaching it to the little bit-who at two is not getting it totally but tries to do it anyway, lol
yeah-i did it twice in a row! those are both me up there!
arkay
Arkay – to eat all the tasty bits that are on the head – brain, eyes, etc.
I’m a preschool teacher, and what we do in my class is take those angry absolutes (never, always, hate, etc) and reflect them back using different language, and using words that they’re probably feeling but can’t express yet.
Kid: I’MNEVERGONNA!!!!!!!!
Us: I see that you’re really frustrated about . What can we do to make it better?
It’s really cool to see the kids start to shift from the ANGER RARR! to being more articulate about their feelings and asking for help figure them out.
It may not always work (of course it won’t!) but it definitely provides a framework for dealing with it.
With my husbands deer antlers we always hang the skulls from any tree in the yard (basically sit them in the crook of a tree). I don’t think we have a very bad raccoon problem around here though, so we don`t have to deal with them steeling it. If you lived near the ocean, my dad used to put his skulls into the water off of a dock and the crabs and other sea life would pick them clean. I think your best bet would just be to hang it from a tree with some sort of contraption to anchor it down like you mentioned.
I have no really good suggestions for the “IMNEVERGONNAS” since I think Hannah is doing her own “girlie drama” version, She doesn’t say it in the absolute, but she’ll drop to her knees and say something to the effect like “I’ll never get to do that ever again”.
I think they are just trying to become comfortable in their own little bodies, wrangle their emotions and see what they can get away with. Just make sure your simply validating his decision and emotions, but don’t go overboard trying to “fix it”. He’ll get a kick out of you jumping through hoops to make him happy and he’ll learn to keep it up. I know Hannah is beginning to play with her “power” over her surroundings lately (oh, she’s in the same age group…3 in December).
Good luck girl. I know you’ve got a better idea of parenting than most, so just remember, you’ll both get through it.
~M~
p.s. great set of picture as usual!
~M~
Hey Ashley! I remember the old ‘IMNEVERGONNAS’ and it seems to be something that most kids go through at that age.They are starting to realise that they can actually control their environment,and what better way to do it than with a big,loud decleration of high drama!While I do think that the jealousy someone mentioned can be a factor-my daughter used her own phrase if she thought I was coming down on the ‘side’ of someone else by telling her no-I think its mainly just him seeing how much he can control what is happening and also letting out a little frustration,like going out back at work and cussing after a particularly bad customer!Its no reflection on anything you guys are or are not doing,and the less fuss you make the better.I found a simple,’oh,ok then.’ and letting them calm down worked pretty good.He seems like a greatkid,and you a great mom,dont sweat it!
Thanks! One more question, I hope you don’t mind, do you photoshop or edit your photos at all?
Only colour correction!
Take heart. Age 3 is the best.
I miss the “imnevergonnas” because now, at the wizened age of 4, my daughter Ollie is focused on getting married, being a rockstar and driving a sports car (which to her is either red, black, or has open wheels). I got her thru the initial stubborn phase by telling her whatever she wanted to do was fine and that she could go sit in her room, read a book and think about her decision. In the meantime I would remove the offending “thing” from her immediate vision. After about 2-3 days she would wonder where it went and we would talk about how she never wanted anything to do with it, so I rid her of it’s evil ways forever. Eventually she learned that the temper tanrum got her nothing but fewer toys…and now she tells the toys she needs them to take a break when she gets frustrated. Oh, and my dad told her he would give her to the gypsies, which helped as well (Papa is larger than life). Hang in there – it’s all so fun and too short-lived.
Real Estate Bulgaria…
Glenn Hughes is in Bulgaria and is doing a television blitz. Tonight, September 25, he will be a special guest on the TV show Komicite which will air on September 28 at 21: 00. On September 27 he will appear on Slavishow and will perform Mistreated wit…